


Prove it

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, First Time, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 05:02:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3557012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I always knew you were capable of loving, Anthony. It’s in everything you do.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prove it

Tony took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down and get his heart rate back under control, but next to the physical exertion he was trying to recover from, he was freaking out! His heart was pounding, he could feel it beating in his throat and even in the tips of his ears, and his breaths were unsteady. He had his eyes shut tightly, and he could feel the sweat on his face and body cool down, causing him to shiver. His forehead was pressed to the naked back under him, and that was the reason for his panic. What was going to happen now?

He felt the soft rumble of the voice in the chest beneath his head, and tried to focus on the words, but his mind wasn’t ready to accept reason right now, and whatever was being said was completely lost on him. Movement from the body under him made him roll over, and he turned onto his back, keeping his eyes closed and still trying to concentrate on his breathing. A hand came to rest softly against his cheek, and almost instantly he felt a little calmer. When he was finally able to open his eyes, not really wanting to but knowing that keeping them shut wouldn’t make this go away, he stared up at the ceiling for a moment before he managed to focus on the face that was looming over him. At last he was able to make the words that were spoken register in his brain.

“Hey, you okay, Tony?”

The eyes that stared down at him made the panic rise again, and Tony spoke quickly before anxiety and fear took away his ability to speak.

“What the hell did we just do, Gibbs?!”

Gibbs actually laughed out loud, and for a moment Tony could make himself believe that he was in a weird dream, or an alternate universe, because when did Gibbs ever laugh? But then Gibbs tapped the back of Tony’s head, a soft imitation of the usual head slap, and Tony knew this was real, and there was no getting out of this unscathed.

“If I have to tell you that, we must not have done it right. I enjoyed it, though.”

Smile still firmly in place, Gibbs leaned in and kissed Tony, and Tony’s mouth opened under Gibbs’ lips of its own accord, his tongue darting out to play with Gibbs’ again, and for that moment, everything was alright. But when Gibbs broke the kiss and scooted closer against Tony, letting his hand roam over Tony’s chest with gentle strokes, and continued to look down at him, Tony felt the panic rise again. Gibbs saw it, the way Gibbs saw everything, and with gentle pressure of his fingers on Tony’s chin, angled the younger man’s face so Tony had no choice but to look at him, and gave him another quick kiss.

“Relax, Tony. There’s no need to freak out.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Tony’s voice held a little squeaky sound when he replied, and his eyes staring up at Gibbs were wide, and they widened even further when Gibbs answered him with an amused little grin.

“You were the one that started this, remember? You shouldn’t have done that if you couldn’t handle it.”

“I…?”

“You kissed me. Then you boasted how good you were. All I said was for you to prove it.”

Tony closed his eyes again, and this time Gibbs let him. He knew Tony needed some time to process, and while Tony did that, Gibbs enjoyed himself by exploring Tony’s body again with his hand, stroking softly over the muscles and skin laid bare before him. Distracted by the soft touches, Tony tried to focus on his thoughts, and tried to recall what exactly had happened.

He had come over to Gibbs’ place that evening, invited by Gibbs to watch a game together, share some steaks, and that was something he would never decline. The game had been a good one, and beer and then bourbon had flowed freely giving them both a nice buzz, and when the game was done, Tony grabbed the remote and started flipping the channels idly, sound turned down. Keeping only half an eye on the screen, they were recapping the highlights of the game they’d just watched, when suddenly Tony’s attention was drawn to the screen again.

“Look at that, Gibbs! Would you do that?”

“What?”

“That guy is straight, but because he got a huge amount of money for it, in this commercial he’s kissing a guy!”

“How do you know he’s straight?”

“Come on, Gibbs! He’s a world famous actor who’s been married three times to gorgeous women! He’s had countless affairs with supermodels!”

“Looks can be deceiving. You never know for sure about people until you put it to the test.”

Tony stared at Gibbs incredulously, but then shrugged it off. Returning to his original question, Tony asked him again.

“Would you do it, though? Kiss a guy for money?”

“No.”

“See? I knew you wouldn’t.”

“Not for money. Right guy, I’d do it for the fun of it.”

Tony stared at Gibbs, eyes wide, but then his eyes narrowed.

“Riiiight. Sure you would.”

Tony’s eyes focused on a spot on the wall behind the television, and he seemed to think about something. Then he spoke again.

“Do you think it feels different? From kissing a woman?”

“It doesn’t. You know that. You’ve kissed a guy before, remember?”

Tony shuddered.

“Don’t remind me.”

“Are you that disgusted by the idea of kissing a guy that even after all these years you still shudder at the thought?”

“No, I shudder at the thought that she… he was Pacci’s killer, that I kissed someone who murdered our colleague and friend.”

Gibbs nodded in approval.

“But that is different. She… he looked and felt and acted like a woman. I wonder if it would be different to kiss a real guy, a manly guy.”

“Go find one then and try it. Bring cash, ask them if they would kiss a guy for money.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t need cash, Gibbs.”

“No?”

“No. I don’t need to pay anyone to let me kiss them. I’m just that good at it, Gibbs. I am a great kisser!”

Now it was Gibbs’ turn to sound skeptical.

“Riiiight.”

And before Gibbs could fully register the movement, Tony planted his lips on Gibbs’ and nibbled and licked and coaxed them open, then gently entered Gibbs’ mouth with his tongue, playing with it and exploring. Tony felt excitement fluttering in his chest, and a little smugness when he felt Gibbs reciprocating almost enthusiastically. Really getting into it, Tony pushed Gibbs back against the armrest of the couch, continuing to kiss him, covering Gibbs’ body with his own. He let his hands start roaming over Gibbs’ chest, feeling the strong muscles, deciding that that was definitely different than kissing a woman, but finding himself thinking that he liked it. Gibbs was the very definition of a real guy, a manly guy, as Tony had put it just moments before, and to his surprise he liked it a lot. He could feel himself get hard, and shifted a bit on top of Gibbs to give himself some room for his arousal. Gibbs’ hands were stroking across Tony’s back, and then dipped down, slipped underneath Tony’s belt and inside his jeans, then grasped and squeezed his ass. Tony groaned and Gibbs repeated the action, causing Tony to groan again. At last Tony broke the kiss and raised his head a little, staring down at Gibbs with twinkling eyes.

“See? I’m just that good. And that’s just kissing. I’m even better at the rest.”

Gibbs held Tony’s gaze for a long moment, then reached up his hand and softly stroked it over Tony’s cheek, Gibbs’ voice hoarse and husky when he issued his challenge.

“Prove it.”

Gibbs saw the surprise in Tony’s eyes and he held his breath waiting for Tony to respond. When he saw that Tony was starting to think about what they were doing, he quickly intervened, wanting Tony to stay in the haze that he had been in while kissing. Gibbs pulled Tony’s head back down and kissed him again, happy that Tony immediately got into it again, playing with Gibbs’ tongue and nibbling his lips, groaning when Gibbs again squeezed his ass. This time it was Gibbs who initiated movement, pushing at Tony’s shoulders to get him to sit up, then pulling him off the couch and guiding him towards the stairs and then up to the bedroom, all the while keeping up the dizzying kisses that had Tony enthralled, and grasping Tony’s arousal, stroking it softly through his jeans, making Tony moan into the kiss with every move of Gibbs’ fingers.

Once Gibbs had him in the bedroom, he started to undress Tony quickly, not wanting to give him any time to get back to his senses enough to start questioning what they were doing. Gibbs kept kissing and nibbling, moving his lips away from Tony’s mouth and down to his neck, sucking at the pulsing vein there until Tony squirmed against him, moaning and pressing himself harder against Gibbs’ hand, looking for more pressure and friction, letting his head fall to the side to give Gibbs better access at his neck. Gibbs knew he was leaving a mark, and that was his intention, because if this was only going to happen once, he wanted to be able to see his mark on Tony for days to come so he had proof that it had really happened. Gibbs had Tony out of his shirt quickly, and stroked across the hard plains of Tony’s chest and abdomen with his free hand, before moving his mouth down from Tony’s neck to his chest, kissing and nipping at the skin softly. Tony’s eyes were closed as he simply stood there enjoying the sensations, and Gibbs quickly lifted his own shirts over his head to bare his chest, immediately returning his mouth to Tony’s belly, nipping softly at the skin and soothing the gentle bite with his tongue and lips. Gibbs reached up and deftly unbuckled Tony’s belt, popping the buttons of Tony’s jeans in a quick move and pulling the jeans down far enough so his mouth could reach Tony’s arousal through his underwear. Allowing himself a soft smirk, Gibbs made a mental note to chastise Tony for that later, after all, hadn’t he always claimed to go commando? But a deep groan from Tony when Gibbs nuzzled at his hardness through his boxers, brought Gibbs back to the pleasure at hand quickly.

Keeping his mouth on Tony, sucking softly through the thin fabric, Gibbs pulled down Tony’s jeans further, then pushed him back onto the bed, and in one deft move removed Tony’s jeans, shoes and socks. Head thrown back and eyes closed in pleasure, Tony barely noticed Gibbs taking off his own remaining clothes, and when Gibbs curled his fingers under the waistband of Tony’s boxers and tugged them down, freeing Tony’s arousal and immediately taking it into his mouth, Tony’s hips bucked up at the wet heat suddenly surrounding him and Gibbs used that opportunity to remove the boxers completely. Stroking Tony’s shaft with his hand, Gibbs let his mouth slide down the length of him, pressing his tongue against the underside and sucking him deep. Tony’s hands came to rest on Gibbs’ head, fingers threading through the silver hair, not pressuring him, but reassuring him of Tony’s pleasure, along with the low moans that escaped Tony’s lips. Reaching out his free hand, Gibbs blindly fumbled around in the side table drawer for the lube, and once he had found it, slicked up his fingers. Distracting Tony with his mouth and other hand, Gibbs played his lubed fingers over Tony’s hole, and then, assured by the increase in moans that came from Tony, slowly pressed one finger in. Tony bucked up against the pressure of the digit, pushing himself deeper into Gibbs’ mouth. Gibbs kept up his ministrations a while longer, exchanging one finger for two, nudging Tony’s sweet spot, keeping him on the edge for a while, then retracted his fingers to a disappointed moan from Tony, and quickly applied some lube to himself, preparing himself only perfunctory, not wanting to waste any time. Releasing Tony from his mouth, Gibbs climbed onto the bed and straddled Tony’s hips, grasping Tony in his hand again and guiding him to his opening, taking Tony inside of him in a slow but steady move, not stopping until Tony was fully inside of him.

When the movement stopped and he felt Gibbs’ tight heat surrounding him, Tony opened his eyes and looked up at the older man, Tony’s eyes dazed but fully aware, but still with a sense of wonder in them. Tony rubbed his hands slowly up Gibbs’ thighs, from his knees up until he reached Gibbs’ hips, grasping them and guiding Gibbs to move upwards, then pulling him down again slowly, repeating the movement several times, feeling himself slide into Gibbs, amazed at the sensation. Looking down to see the point where he disappeared into his lover, his eyes caught sight of Gibbs’ leaking hardness and he reached out one hand to grasp it, stroking it softly, enjoying the feel of it in his hand, playing his fingers over it for a while as Gibbs continued slowly moving up and down. When Tony rubbed the tip of his thumb over Gibbs’ leaking tip, the older man shuddered in pleasure and held still, breathing harshly and staring down at Tony with pupils blown with desire. Bending down, Gibbs took Tony’s lips in another deep kiss, this one harder and even more passionate than those they’d shared before, then grabbed hold of Tony’s shoulders and tried to roll them over. Tony resisted, not wanting to lose the wonderful sensation of Gibbs riding him, but Gibbs almost growled at him in challenge.

“I’m not doing all the work, Tony. You claimed you were good at this. So show me.”

Finally understanding Gibbs’ intention, Tony obligingly rolled them over, settling himself firmly on top of Gibbs, spreading Gibbs’ thighs a little more for better access, then started moving. Tony’s thrusts were controlled and steady, and he looked down at his lover the entire time, needing to see Gibbs’ responses to his movements, speeding up and changing the angle a little, seeing Gibbs’ eyes widen and smirking at the moan that escaped Gibbs when Tony clearly found the right spot, and kept hitting it over and over. Now Tony was in his element, this he was familiar with, and he steeled himself, summoning all his control, driving Gibbs insane with thrusts that varied in depth and force but kept hitting that spot that made Gibbs moan. Reaching for Gibbs’ hardness again, he started stroking it, alternating timing his strokes in line with his thrusts and doing exactly the opposite, until he saw Gibbs’ eyes glaze over and saw he was close. Then he evilly withdrew both his hand and his dick, leaving Gibbs feeling bereft and groaning desperately. Wanting to expand his experience a little while he gave Gibbs some time to calm down, Tony moved down until he could take Gibbs into his mouth. It felt a little strange having that hardness to lick and nibble on, but he decided he liked the taste of Gibbs on his tongue and especially liked the sounds Gibbs made while Tony tasted him. He teased Gibbs like that for a couple of minutes, until he was certain his lover had calmed a bit, and then Tony licked and kissed his way up Gibbs’ chest to his lips, kissing him deeply before rolling Gibbs over onto his stomach.

Grabbing Gibbs’ hips and pulling them up off the mattress, positioning Gibbs on his hands and knees, Tony entered him again. Finding the correct angle almost immediately, Tony again kept his thrusts slow and deep, his hands keeping a firm grip on Gibbs’ hips to keep him in place the way Tony wanted. The moans that came from Gibbs sounded delicious in Tony’s ears, and the older man pushed back his hips to meet every thrust, both of them starting to tremble at the pleasure and exertion, sweat covering their bodies. Tony kept Gibbs on the edge for a long time, using every ounce of control he had to keep himself from coming, teasing Gibbs with varied thrusts, switching depth and force and speed every now and then while continuing to hit Gibbs’ sweet spot. When at last Tony felt his control slip away, he reached down to grasp Gibbs in his hand and stroke him in time with his thrusts, rubbing his thumb over Gibbs’ tip every now and then. Gibbs was completely dazed, every nerve ending on fire with the pleasure Tony was causing him, and couldn’t hold back his orgasm any more. He stiffened under Tony and cried out, spilling over Tony’s fingers in long, hard spurts, Tony thrusting into him still through his climax. When Gibbs’ arms collapsed and his head hit the mattress, Tony withdrew his hand and brought it to his mouth, curiously licking his fingers to taste his lover, and deciding he liked that too. In fact, he liked everything about this. Grasping Gibbs’ hips again, he started thrusting hard and fast in search of his own release at last, finding it short moments later, buried deep inside of his lover. Then he collapsed on top of Gibbs, breathing harshly, his forehead pressed against Gibbs’ back. And then panic set in.

He wasn’t panicking at having had sex with a man, that thought didn’t bother him at all if he was honest. No, it was that it was Gibbs. His boss, his friend, his partner. How the hell did this happen? And what the hell was he going to do now? Had he just ruined the friendship they had had for so many years, all because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and his dick in his pants? Sure, Gibbs had been willing apparently, but what would this do to their relationship?

As he tried to organize his thoughts, Gibbs kept softly running his hands over Tony’s body and Tony felt himself calm down at the tender touches. It seemed Gibbs wasn’t freaked by what they had just done, and he had said he’d enjoyed it, and he was touching Tony still. Opening his eyes again, he looked up at his boss, and saw a gentle look in the older man’s eyes as he looked back at Tony, a small smile gracing Gibbs’ lips.

“Gibbs?”

“You weren’t lying, Tony. You really are very good at it.”

Tony smiled a little proudly despite himself, but then became uncertain again, eyes widening at Gibbs’ next words.

“So am I, by the way. If you wanna try, later, I’ll be happy to show you.”

“Gibbs?”

“Sleep now, Tony. We’ll talk later.”

Exhausted and sated, Tony could barely keep his eyes open, and despite the lingering panic, promptly fell asleep. Gibbs stared down at him while Tony slept, caressing Tony’s chest, bending down to softly press a kiss to his lips every now and then. His mind was calm and his body satisfied, and he held the object of his affections in his arms. He knew there was a lot to talk about when Tony woke up, but he didn’t let himself worry about it. Things would work out, he was sure of it. He just needed to be honest and let Tony make his decision. Whatever Tony decided, Gibbs would concede. Anything to keep the younger man in his life.

 

Tony woke up a couple of hours later, his arms wrapped around a warm body, his muscles loose and relaxed, his mind still in a happy daze from the overwhelming pleasure he had experienced. Tightening his arms around the body in front of him, he pressed his lips against the back of the neck facing him, and smiled when he felt the body shudder in pleasure. Opening his eyes, his gaze fell on silver hair. Gibbs. Oh, yeah, that’s right. He’d made love to Gibbs that evening. And it had been amazing. Breathing deeply, taking in his lover’s scent, Tony mumbled softly.

“Hey.”

Gibbs had relaxed the moment he realized Tony wasn’t freaking out anymore. He shivered in enjoyment when he felt Tony’s lips against his neck, and when Tony’s arms tightened around him, he allowed himself a little smile.

“Hey back. You okay?”

“Never been better. You feel fantastic.”

Gibbs carefully turned around in Tony’s arms, needing to see his face and eyes so he could judge Tony’s state of mind better. Eyes open and looking at his lover, Gibbs stared at him intently.

“You sure?”

Tony tightened his arms around Gibbs again, squeezing him gently, and smiled.

“Definitely.”

“Not worried anymore about what we did?”

“Not if it won’t ruin our friendship.”

Gibbs felt a little pang of loss at those words, but he should have anticipated them. Nevertheless, he decided that he still should be honest with Tony, and leave the decision up to him.

“It won’t. I don’t want it to. I need you to know, though. I love you, Tony.”

That certainly got Tony’s attention, and his eyes widened a little as he stared back at Gibbs.

“You love me?”

Gibbs nodded.

“This wasn’t a game to me, Tony. I’ve wanted you for a long time. But I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same, and I won’t hold it against you. We can just forget about this if you prefer, go back to the way things were between us. Just don’t shut me out.”

“I… I’m gonna have to think about this a little.”

“I understand. It’s okay.”

But when Gibbs tried to pull back and leave the bed, Tony tightened his embrace and spoke huskily.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Give you some space.”

“That’s the last thing I need right now.”

“What do you need, then?”

“More information. You can’t possibly expect me to make any decisions based on a single experience. Besides, you said you were good too, and that you’d show me later if I wanted you to. It’s later, and I want you to.”

Tony smiled widely at Gibbs, and pressed his lips against the older man’s, deepening the kiss immediately when Gibbs responded eagerly. Gibbs took his time to pleasure Tony until he felt the younger man excited but relaxed beneath him, and sported a pleased smile when he felt Tony respond enthusiastically to his touches. When he started preparing Tony with his fingers, Gibbs felt his lover tense a little, but he patiently kept working him until Tony relaxed again, smiling wider when Tony’s surprised exclamation told him he’d found the right spot, and Gibbs kept rubbing against it gently until Tony was a writhing mess of desire. Slicking himself and Tony up generously, Gibbs at last lined up and pushed into Tony slowly. Keeping his eyes on his lover to check whether he was alright, Gibbs slowly bottomed out and paused, giving Tony time to get used to the feeling. Tony panted a little from the unfamiliar stretch and burn, but didn’t dislike it. In fact, it felt quite good, and when Gibbs started moving, pulling back a little and pushing in again, it actually felt great. And when Gibbs hit that little spot inside of him again, it felt fantastic. Tony’s eyes burned with desire, and Gibbs had never seen anything more beautiful in his life than this handsome man that he loved so much on fire with passion because of what Gibbs was doing to him. Gibbs was in awe that he was allowed to do this, that Tony was letting him, and though a small part of him worried that this would be the only time, he pushed that away to the back of his mind, determined not to let it overshadow this experience. He made love to Tony slowly and gently, seeing his lover fall apart under him, and when they finally came, held Tony close in his arms while they fell asleep again.

Waking a few hours later when sunlight started to peer around the curtains, Tony carefully rolled over to look at his lover. Gibbs was still asleep, lying on his back, his face turned to Tony, and Tony stared at him for a long time, thinking about things. Tony felt good, fantastic even. His ass felt a little weird, but not painful. In fact, he quite liked the feeling, almost as if Gibbs was still inside of him, and who would have thought that that was something he craved? His body felt heavy with satisfaction, and his mind was calm and relaxed. He looked at Gibbs’ face and torso, the sheets having slipped down to his hips, and admired the muscular chest covered in silver hair, the strong features of Gibbs’ face, looking almost peaceful in his deep sleep. Thinking about the events of the evening, Tony realized that this was something he definitely wanted to do again. It had felt wonderful, he had seldom had a sexual encounter more satisfying than this one, if ever. But there was more to it than that, and that was the part he really needed to think about.

Gibbs had said that he loved Tony. That in itself was amazing, but also a little scary, because Tony had never been loved like that before. Sure, he’d had a few serious relationships and said I love you to a few of his partners, and most of them had said it back, but he knew that was different. Gibbs had always held a special place in Tony’s life, as his boss and friend, his feelings for Gibbs tinged with admiration and esteem in the beginning, and growing more complex over the years the more he learned about the man. He knew that Gibbs’ love was something fierce and intense, that he didn’t love lightly, just look at how he still felt about his girls. He also knew that Gibbs’ feelings for his ex-wives had been more liking than loving, so the fact that Gibbs loved him, filled him with awe and reverence. But did he love Gibbs that way too?

Thinking back over the years, Tony saw the way he had always gravitated towards Gibbs, had always felt the need to take care of the man and be close to him, that when he was with Gibbs, he felt safe and calm. The way he implicitly trusted Gibbs, felt the need to make Gibbs proud and even happy. Felt the way his heart gave a little twinge every time he succeeded in making Gibbs smile that rare smile of his, the way Gibbs’ presence settled and relaxed him. The way Gibbs could ground him and make him feel better with a single look or head slap. The way he would unconditionally follow Gibbs to the gates of hell and back, if that was what Gibbs wanted or needed him to do. What did all of it mean? Did Tony even know what love really was? He certainly hadn’t been loved by his parents the way he should have been, and he wondered whether that had skewed his understanding of what that particular emotion should be. Tony knew he loved his friends, loved Abby like a little sister, loved Tim like a younger brother, and would do pretty much anything for them. But Gibbs was different, had always been different. Did he love him, in a romantic way? Was that the difference?

Gibbs opened his eyes to see Tony looking down at him with a sad and forlorn expression, and his heart clenched at the sight. Gibbs never wanted to see that look on Tony’s face, wanted him happy and smiling, and would do anything to wipe that desolate look off Tony’s countenance, even if that meant hurting himself in the process. If Tony had made a decision against the two of them, Gibbs would abide by it, anything to salvage their friendship at least. Reaching out his hand, he softly cupped Tony’s cheek, seeing Tony startle slightly at the touch, his mind having been a million miles away.

“What’s wrong, Tony? What’s got you looking so sad?”

Tony visibly made an effort to bring himself back to the here and now, but his eyes looked straight ahead unfocused, clearly not seeing the room he was in, but staring out into the distance. He spoke softly.

“I don’t even think I know what love is. So how can I know if I love someone? What the hell is wrong with me that I don’t even know something simple like that?”

“Love is never simple. It’s complicated and scary, and heartbreaking and overwhelming. It’s powerful and fantastic and difficult. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

Tony gave a little smile, but his gaze stayed locked in the distance.

“You said you love me. How do you even know?”

“Because you make me happy. Because when I see you, my heart lightens. Because when you smile or laugh, my mouth wants to join in. Because when you’re hurting, my soul aches for you and I want to do everything I can to make it better. Because I miss you when you’re not close to me, and I worry when you’re not there.”

At last Tony’s eyes focused and he looked at his lover. Gibbs saw the wonder in Tony’s eyes, and held his breath.

“I feel that way about you too.”

And then Tony leaned down and kissed Gibbs tenderly, keeping it soft and light, and Gibbs felt the deep emotions in that kiss, coming from them both. When Tony pulled back, he shifted closer to Gibbs, pressing against him and resting his head on Gibbs’ shoulder. Gibbs held him in his arms, knowing that Tony’s mind was in tumult, letting him process in silence. When at last he heard Tony sigh deeply, Gibbs softly asked.

“You okay?”

Tony chuckled.

“I don’t know. All of this is a lot to take in. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis…”

Gibbs chuckled then too.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, it’s classic, isn’t it. Questioning your sexual orientation, questioning your feelings, questioning everything about yourself. Classic signs.”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that, Tony. It’s just that a lot has happened since last night that you didn’t see coming.”

“Speaking of which… You have much experience with this, Gibbs?”

“With what?”

“Guys?”

“Some. When I was younger. After Shannon.”

“So you really were talking about yourself last night. All that stuff about looks being deceiving and never knowing about people unless you put them to the test, and kissing the right guy for fun.”

“Of course I was.”

“Huh.”

The lay together in silence for a while, Gibbs’ hand stroking softly over Tony’s back and side, Tony’s fingers playing through Gibbs’ chest hair.

“Tony?”

“Hmmm?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I think the fact that I’m still lying here naked in your arms instead of fleeing back to my apartment should be pretty telling.”

Gibbs chuckled.

“Yeah, but… Is it just for this weekend, or…?”

Tony leaned up, propping his head up with his arm so he could look at Gibbs, his expression uncertain.

“I know that I want to make love to you again, and for you to make love to me again. I know I want to be here, with you, stay. I know I feel better here and now than I have in a long time, ever. But I also think that I have some things to figure out, to work through.”

Seeing Gibbs’ expression fall a little at his last words, Tony continued.

“I’m sorry. But this is a lot to take in. I don’t wanna hurt you, but I don’t wanna lie to you either.”

“Okay. I understand.”

“That doesn’t mean that I don’t want you.”

Tony reached out his hand and softly stroked his fingers over Gibbs’ lips. Gibbs nodded, then looked into Tony’s eyes.

“Will you stay? For the weekend at least?”

“Yes. I’d love to.”

 

The remainder of the weekend they spent together, exploring each other. When they weren’t making love, they stayed close together, small touches constantly between them. It felt comfortable and right, but Sunday night after dinner, Tony prepared to leave. Gibbs understood, but hated it. He stared after Tony’s car until it disappeared around the corner, then buried himself in the basement and lost himself in his project until deep into the night.

On Monday morning, Gibbs was at his desk early and waiting almost impatiently for Tony to arrive. He had missed Tony in his bed and his arms for those few hours of sleep he’d had, and he was anxious to see how Tony was responding to what had happened between them that weekend. Tony arrived early as well, and smiled brightly when he saw Gibbs, greeting him with a cheerful “Morning, Boss!”. Tony’s eyes sparkled and Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief, glad to see that Tony hadn’t had a change of heart, and that things were not uncomfortable between them. All through the day, Gibbs caught Tony throwing him these little looks, accompanied by little smiles, and Gibbs hoped that meant Tony had missed him too and would come home with him that night. But Tony didn’t mention anything about it, and didn’t show up at Gibbs’ place that night. For the rest of the week, Tony kept up the looks and smiles and the cheerfulness, but went to his own place in the evenings and didn’t have any contact with Gibbs outside of work. Gibbs started to worry.

That Friday evening however, just as Gibbs was trying to decide whether to give Tony a call or lose himself in the basement again, he saw headlights and heard the engine of Tony’s car. Holding his breath, he waited. The door opened and Tony, freshly showered and dressed casually, go-bag slung over his shoulder, walked in, a smile and a look of insecurity on his face. Finding Gibbs waiting for him in the hallway, Tony paused and stared at his lover, hopeful but worried.

“Hey, Gibbs.”

“Hey.”

“Can I stay?”

“Always.”

Then Tony dropped his bag and closed the distance between them, taking Gibbs into his arms and kissing him deeply. Tony stayed the whole weekend, and between passionate bouts of making love, they talked and worked together, taking care of mundane chores. It felt good despite being so domestic, and Gibbs was content. But that Sunday evening, Tony left again.

Over the following weeks and months, a similar pattern was kept. During the week, Gibbs spent his evenings alone, but on Friday nights, Tony showed up and stayed until Sunday. Gibbs didn’t ask Tony why he didn’t come during the week, didn’t pressure him into a decision, he just accepted whatever Tony was willing to give him. Their weekends were filled with passion and excitement, and Gibbs lost himself in it, until Sunday evening came around and ruined the fantasy. With every Sunday evening when he stood staring after Tony’s disappearing car, Gibbs’ heart was bruised a little more, but he never mentioned anything to Tony. Then one Thursday, their shift almost over, McGee asked Tony whether he would join him and Abby for a drink, and Tony smiled but declined.

“Thanks, but no thanks, Probie. I have a date.”

Gibbs froze behind the partition he had just been about to come around, and had to force himself to keep his breathing steady and even while he walked into the bullpen moments later. When his team left, Gibbs didn’t respond to their greetings, and Tony eyed him curiously, but left with the others. When Gibbs was alone in the bullpen, he breathed in deeply, and felt the sharp stab in his heart again. Tony had a date. Was that why he never came to Gibbs during the week? Because he was dating someone? Or more than one person? What did their weekends together mean to Tony? What did he mean to Tony? That evening he drank more bourbon than he should, and he had to drag himself to the office on Friday morning. He was grouchy and short tempered, and everyone sighed a breath of relief when quitting time finally rolled around and they could leave for the weekend. Gibbs went home too, changed his clothes and grabbed some things, intending to spend the weekend away from his house and memories of Tony, but when he got into his car and started the engine, he was blocked in by Tony’s car rolling into his driveway. Closing his eyes and leaning back against the headrest, Gibbs waited.

The door to his car was opened and a hand placed on his shoulder. Then Tony’s voice, soft and a little hurt, reached his ears.

“You’re leaving? Where are you going? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Gibbs felt his anger rising. How dare Tony pretend he was the hurt party here?! Pinning Tony with a piercing look, Gibbs let his anger out.

“Go away, DiNozzo! Leave me alone. You’ve had your fun, now it’s over.”

Tony flinched back almost as if he’d been struck, his eyes wide and searching. What had happened here? What had gone wrong?

“Gibbs, what…”

“I am not your fuckbuddy, DiNozzo, your little experiment in sexual adventures. I won’t be used like that. These weekends are over. It’ll give you more time for your dates!”

Sudden understanding dawned in Tony’s eyes, and he silently cursed himself for being so slow on the uptake. He took a deep breath and spoke softly.

“You overheard that, huh? Damn it, I’m so sorry. Gibbs, I did have a date, of sorts. With my therapist.”

That made Gibbs look at him sharply. Tony pleaded with his lover.

“Can we go inside? Please?”

Gibbs stared at him for long moments, then abruptly started moving, getting out of the car, slamming the car door shut loudly, and stalking back into the house. Tony followed him quickly, relieved that Gibbs was willing to listen to him, but worried that he had hurt his lover with his unthinking excuse to McGee. Once inside, Gibbs stood at the window, staring out, refusing to look at Tony. Tony sat down on the couch and kept his eyes on his lover, speaking softly.

“I’ve been seeing a therapist for a few months now, twice a week. I had an appointment last Thursday, but I’d rather not have McGee know that. So I said it was a date. I’m sorry.”

There was a long silence. Then at last, Gibbs spoke.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t really know. I thought I’d see how it went at first, you know how I feel about shrinks, so I didn’t really think it would last. But this guy is good and I like him - even if he thought I shouldn't be seeing you at all while he and I were working on my issues, but I just couldn't do that, I had to have our weekends at least - , and then all this stuff came up that I needed to work through, and I didn’t want to burden you with that. I needed to get through it by myself, prove to myself that I could be strong, so I could finally be good enough, be someone you’d deserve.”

Gibbs turned around and stared at Tony, seeing the anguish and worry on his lover’s face clearly, and his heart ached for Tony. He wanted to take his lover into his arms and never let him go, but more needed to be said first.

“Why would you ever think you aren’t strong? That you aren’t good enough, especially for me? If anyone deserves more, it’s you deserving better than me.”

To his surprise, he saw Tony’s eyes flash with anger.

“Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that! No one could be better for me than you! I love you!”

Gibbs sucked in a breath when Tony said it, and his gaze softened, a small smile appearing on his face.

“You love me?”

Tony’s anger evaporated instantly, and a broad smile took over his features. His eyes twinkling, Tony stood up and slowly stepped up to Gibbs.

“Oh yeah, didn’t I tell you? One of the things I discovered about myself is that I actually do know what love is. That I’m capable of it. It’s what I feel for you.”

Placing his hand on Tony’s chest, right over his heart, Gibbs replied softly.

“I always knew you were capable of loving, Anthony. It’s in everything you do.”

“You always had more faith in me than I did. But I’m working on that too. I love you.”

And then Tony kissed his lover with a heartbreaking tenderness, showing him exactly how much love he was capable of, even though Gibbs already knew. They held each other in a tight embrace for long minutes after the kiss had ended, and Gibbs had to clear his throat from the emotions before he could speak again.

“Promise me something, Tony?”

“Anything.”

“You are not a burden. You are a strong, beautiful man. And I love you. As your lover, it is not only my prerogative to share in your happiness and joy, but also my privilege to share your problems and issues, and support you through them. Please?”

Pulling back so he could look his lover in the eyes, Tony felt the emotions welling up in him again. He stroked his fingers softly over Gibbs’ cheek, then nodded.

“I promise.”

Then a smile formed on his face.

“That means you promise me the same thing, right?”

Gibbs smiled back.

“I promise, Tony.”

“Good. Now… how about a beer? I could really use a drink after all this emotional stuff.”

Gibbs laughed and released Tony from his embrace after another quick kiss, then went to the kitchen to get them each a beer. Settling on the couch together, they clinked their bottles and drank deep. Leaning back into the cushions, Gibbs entangled his fingers with Tony’s and brought their hands to his lips for a kiss.

“Tony?”

“Hmmm?”

“Will you stay?”

“Yes. I’d love to.”

“I don’t mean just for the weekend.”

“Neither did I.”

 

They spent another hour or so on the couch, sipping beers and talking a little more, and then Tony stood and tugged Gibbs to his feet and up the stairs. He took his time undressing his lover, kissing and caressing every inch of Gibbs he uncovered, every touch a confirmation of how much he loved the older man. Gibbs wanted to return the favor, but Tony wouldn’t let him, pushing Gibbs down on the bed and quickly stripping off his own clothes, then crawling onto Gibbs and covering his lover’s body with his own. Tony kissed Gibbs deeply, tasting him greedily, rubbing their erections together with slow bucks of his hips. Nibbling and sucking at Gibbs’ neck, he felt his lover squirm against him in pleasure, and smiled against Gibbs’ skin at the low moans his lover let out. Tony made his way slowly down Gibbs’ body, setting him on fire with his lips and tongue and fingers, until at last he reached the center of Gibbs’ arousal. Nuzzling and licking, he teased Gibbs lovingly before finally taking him into his mouth, slowly sliding his lips down its entire length, his tongue putting pressure on the underside and making Gibbs gasp with delight. Tony brought his lover to the edge, keeping him there mercilessly for a long time, pulling back and slowing down every time he felt Gibbs get close, while he used his fingers to open his lover up and get him ready for him. Gibbs had already been begging for minutes before Tony finally relented and crawled back up Gibbs’ body, entering him slowly with a deep thrust.

Looking down at his lover, Tony saw the desire and passion in Gibbs’ eyes and still found it hard to believe that all those emotions and feelings were for him. Gibbs drew his head down for another deep kiss, then moved his hips to encourage Tony to start thrusting, which his lover obligingly did, keeping their gazes locked on each other the entire time they moved together, slow, gentle movements that grew harder and deeper when their passion mounted, until at last Tony reached between them and grasped Gibbs’ hardness, stroking it in the way he had learned Gibbs liked best, watching closely as his lover exploded in ecstasy, a breathtaking vision that he would remember forever. He kept moving gently while his lover came down, but when Gibbs kissed him again, Tony’s control disintegrated and he went in search of his own release, lasting only a few minutes more while Gibbs whispered encouragement and endearments, and caressed Tony’s body with those strong, sure hands. With a loud cry, Tony stiffened and shattered, spilling into his lover, buried deeply inside of him, then collapsed into the loving arms surrounding him. Neither of them felt able to move for a long time after, staying locked in each other’s arms, breathing each other in, letting their hearts beat against each other in love.

 

They may have gone about it all the wrong way, hurt each other and themselves in the process, but at last they found themselves where they were supposed to be, together.


End file.
